Showing posts with label parenting. Show all posts
Showing posts with label parenting. Show all posts

Monday, March 14, 2011

Have you ever had "Whupping?" Did mom go to jail?

Have you ever received a whupping with an extension cord?

We don't say, "Whipping" because that conjures slavery flashbacks, but whupping reflects on punishments received with the purpose of helping us as we matured.

Our memories of whuppings differ.

Many who have lived a few years can remember whuppings with extension chords, switches, fan belts and razor straps. It was just an understood rule that the consequence of breaking a family rule could mean stiff punishment using one the above or a long of others that could also be added to the list.

It's cultural thing, I guess, because very few on our side of the track called whuppings child abuse, even if was with an extension cord.

Last week a Monroe woman, Stephanie Banks, was arrested for cruelty to a juvenile after she gave her teen aged daughter a whupping with an extension cord. It appears that the daughter ignored her mother's rule about staying out late. When the daughter came home around near midnight to their 103 Georgia Street home, she met the extension cord.

In response, the daughter called the police, and the mother was arrested after police saw marks on the daughter's arm and chest. There is no doubt that sparks will fly on Georgia Street once mama gets out of jail, especially after mom had to post a $3000 bail, will lose work time going to court, and may pay fines of several hundreds of dollars.

Suddenly, mama becomes the victim and the disobedient daughter gets to watch the woman who birthed her carried off to jail. There is no punishment available for the disobedient teen.

Many in our culture have our definitions of cruelty; extension cord whuppings of tough, defiant, children rarely make the list. What is cruelty? Burning a child with a cigarette, nearly smothering a child with a plastic bag, holding a child's head in a toilet and forcing them to drink are examples of some real cases that went overboard. These methods are called cruelty even on our side of the track.

Laws have changed, but our culture has been slow to adopt the changes. We still follow what we learned in church when we heard the preacher read, Proverbs 13:24 that says, "He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes."

In our culture it is still believed that parents who love their children must chastise them. If talking to them and taking away privileges don't work, then they use methods that are proven to work.

Many are having difficulties understanding why parents are punished for cruelty for punishing unruly children, but are also punished for neglect if they don't discipline them.

Many have chosen to err or the side of correcting wayward children, even if that means going to jail. Many have heard mama say, "I brought you into this world, I will take you out." -It was a threat made in love, that didn't mean mama would kill her children, but that she would do anything necessary to keep them safe and alive, even if she had to use tough methods that might land her in jail.

One part of our cultural practice has changed however; modern switch and extension cord mamas are learning new techniques to side step the law. It gets tough to prove what mama did if there are no marks. So, the modern extension cord mama has learned to --make sure the marks don't show.

Wednesday, June 02, 2010

He made an A in football, but failed everything else

He made an A in football, but failed all other subjects.

A young friend of mine is facing summer school again after earning grades of D and F in all of his subjects. He failed a full year of social studies, math, and science and made D's in all other subjects. However, he did earn an A in football.

The school will allow him to pass to the next grade if he enrolls in summer school for one of those failed subjects. He's tickled because he'll still get to play football in the 9th grade instead of spending another year in the 8th.

His mother wants to pull him out of athletics and focus on his academics but the coaches tell her that he is "athletically gifted" and should be allowed to play on the school's team. They are bending every rule to get him into high school so that this academically deficient student can demonstrate his athletic gifts and help the school win games.

The mother is frustrated. The son is disillusioned; he hears the coaches tell him that he can go all the way to the pros. He doesn't pay attention to the fact that nearly all NFL players are college graduates and all attended college to some length.

With D's and F's he won't get into college at all. Apparently that doesn't matter to some people, they plan to pass him along through his high school years. He will help the school win games but after he graduates, or gets too old, that's when they will dump him.

He loses.

My advice to her was to let him repeat the grade, pull him out of athletics altogether, and plunge him to a year long "catch up" crusade of special tutoring and instruction to help him get his head ready for life. It would be expensive and time consuming but by no means should she allow him to go forward without the proper academics. She didn't take my advice or similar advice from others.

Against her better judgment, the mother enrolled him in summer school to learn in a few days what he did not learn the entire year. She will also let him move into high school deficient in core subjects that will not get easier but harder. You see, the coaches convinced her that her son is athletically gifted and should not be deprived of his chance.

We have a responsibility to train and direct the paths of our children. They are children, they do not know what they need. We must train them to value knowledge, develop their talents and to apply themselves. If we don't do it when they are young, they will grow old having missed their mark in life.

This need for training is biblical. Proverbs 22:6 says, "Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it."

The young man can't see how he is being used. When he wakes up a few years from now and recognizes what has happened to him, he will be frustrated and angry with the world, his mother and his high school coach.