Have you ever had "Whupping?" Did mom go to jail?

Have you ever received a whupping with an extension cord?

We don't say, "Whipping" because that conjures slavery flashbacks, but whupping reflects on punishments received with the purpose of helping us as we matured.

Our memories of whuppings differ.

Many who have lived a few years can remember whuppings with extension chords, switches, fan belts and razor straps. It was just an understood rule that the consequence of breaking a family rule could mean stiff punishment using one the above or a long of others that could also be added to the list.

It's cultural thing, I guess, because very few on our side of the track called whuppings child abuse, even if was with an extension cord.

Last week a Monroe woman, Stephanie Banks, was arrested for cruelty to a juvenile after she gave her teen aged daughter a whupping with an extension cord. It appears that the daughter ignored her mother's rule about staying out late. When the daughter came home around near midnight to their 103 Georgia Street home, she met the extension cord.

In response, the daughter called the police, and the mother was arrested after police saw marks on the daughter's arm and chest. There is no doubt that sparks will fly on Georgia Street once mama gets out of jail, especially after mom had to post a $3000 bail, will lose work time going to court, and may pay fines of several hundreds of dollars.

Suddenly, mama becomes the victim and the disobedient daughter gets to watch the woman who birthed her carried off to jail. There is no punishment available for the disobedient teen.

Many in our culture have our definitions of cruelty; extension cord whuppings of tough, defiant, children rarely make the list. What is cruelty? Burning a child with a cigarette, nearly smothering a child with a plastic bag, holding a child's head in a toilet and forcing them to drink are examples of some real cases that went overboard. These methods are called cruelty even on our side of the track.

Laws have changed, but our culture has been slow to adopt the changes. We still follow what we learned in church when we heard the preacher read, Proverbs 13:24 that says, "He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes."

In our culture it is still believed that parents who love their children must chastise them. If talking to them and taking away privileges don't work, then they use methods that are proven to work.

Many are having difficulties understanding why parents are punished for cruelty for punishing unruly children, but are also punished for neglect if they don't discipline them.

Many have chosen to err or the side of correcting wayward children, even if that means going to jail. Many have heard mama say, "I brought you into this world, I will take you out." -It was a threat made in love, that didn't mean mama would kill her children, but that she would do anything necessary to keep them safe and alive, even if she had to use tough methods that might land her in jail.

One part of our cultural practice has changed however; modern switch and extension cord mamas are learning new techniques to side step the law. It gets tough to prove what mama did if there are no marks. So, the modern extension cord mama has learned to --make sure the marks don't show.

The class thug punched out the class clown, but made straight A's

What do the class clown and class thug have in common? Emotions! How successful each of them becomes depends on their ability to express and manage their emotions.

The inability to manage emotions can create a situation where the smartest boy in the class is also the class thug who punches the funniest boy in the class for being funny.

While reading the premise of Dr. Daniel Goleman's book "Emotional Intelligence" I thought about the number of smart youth I have mentored over the years who were emotionally impotent. I have seen so many smart boys who could not control their tempers or others who were academic whiz kids but could not express themselves openly or relate to other people.

Dr. Goleman contends that EQ is as important as our IQ. A smart man who cannot express himself emotionally or manage his emotions doesn't go very far. If he has risen, his demise is lurking somewhere in the near future. He says managing emotions is something that should be taught in school, especially since it is crucial to career success. He has his critics of course; they claim that there is no "right" or "wrong" emotion and such things should not be taught.

Somehow I tend to think there would be fewer fights, less violence and more creativity if children are taught, from childhood, how to express emotions properly and how to manage their emotions.

Maybe fewer people would get punched in the nose.

Emotional management is best taught to children and as they mature the qualities will exhibit themselves in every aspect of life.

Dr. Goleman thinks schools should do the training but the bible puts the responsibility on everyone who has any dealing with a child beginning with its parents.

Proverbs 22:6 "Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it."

What's next? Along with our IQ we will probably get an EQ number as well.

Many who pass the IQ test may flunk the EQ, get angry, storm out of the meeting and curse out the test administrator for being so dumb!

Why Y'all hatin on me; don't God say judge not?

Why you hatin on me? The bible says judge not.

That's what the young man said when a member of his church mentioned to him in private that the music on his I-pod and his phone ring tones were inconsistent with the testimony he gave in church. Earlier, the same church member had praised him publicly for his service in the church, his volunteerism and apparent desire to live the Christian life. That didn't matter, the young man went off!

"That's what's wrong with people, they always hatin and judging people. Don't the bible say judge not?" The young man said angrily.

In his mind, people should only tell him what he likes to hear; if there is something he doesn't like, they should not think it or speak it to anyone else.

When our weaknesses are pointed out we call that judging or hatin. When our strengths are highlighted, that's not judging.

When the member praised the young man's good points publicly he made a judgment based on what he saw. The young man had no objection because he perceived those statements as being deserved. When the same member made another judgment and spoke to him in private about his inconsistencies, he called that judging him or hatin.

In reality, the bible encourages us to evaluate the actions of those in the church, but to be careful to evaluate the actions by the same standard we would also like to be evaluated by. Evaluations and judgments based on hearsay, assumptions and perceptions may not be accurate or fair. However, if we report an observation of an action that does not call for speculation or assumption and do it in the manner that the word describes, it is not only scriptural but actually required of all believers.

When we see believers doing good things we should praise them. That calls for a judgment.

When we see believers involved in ungodly pursuits that are harmful and inconsistent with the faith, we should tell them privately. That calls for a judgment, too.

There is a phrase that follows, "Judge not..." Look at John 7:24 "Judge not according to the appearance, but judge righteous judgment."

Then there is this passage that really makes the point, "1 Corinthians 5:12-13 "I'm not responsible for what the outsiders do, but don't we have some responsibility for those within our community of believers? God decides on the outsiders, but we need to decide when our brothers and sisters are out of line and, if necessary, clean house."

The purpose of a destructive criticism is to tear a person down. However, the purpose of a constructive criticism is to help correct and build a person up.

Unfortunately, we call anything we don't like to hear "Hatin."

A fight, bullhorns and shouts at a graduation?

A fight and shouts at a graduation? Believe it.

I attended a graduation last week but couldn't really enjoy the moment because of the distractions. I sat behind man who held a half dozen helium filled balloons that blocked the view of the stage of about 100 people behind him. To my left, two women were pulling on each other, fighting over something that must have been senseless; they stopped before it escalated too far. On the podium, the graduates marched across the stage but their names were inaudible as their "fans" blew bull horns and screams. It all made the graduation less enjoyable because of all of the distractions.

I always thought that graduations were joyous but extremely dignified events. For the parents and grandparents in the audience graduations have even more importance because many made great sacrifices to for their family graduate to walk across the stage. To have that moment stolen by foolish antics, fighting, and shouting is disheartening. They worked so long to hear that name called, only to have it drowned out or upstaged by the undisciplined.

Those who did their own thing and stole the moment from others had fun themselves, but they did not act wisely or prudently.

There is a bible verse that says,(Proverbs 10:23) It is as sport to a fool to do mischief: but a man of understanding hath wisdom.

Those who act foolishly at graduations, might deserve a few days of detention; at least until they learn wisdom.