Showing posts with label Monroe La. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Monroe La. Show all posts

Monday, May 10, 2010

The preacher was a wedding no-show, three times

The preacher didn't show up for my wedding; three times!

Yesterday, my wife and I celebrated our 36th wedding anniversary. It has been 36 years that began with the three failed marriage attempts, and 12 years of messups on my part.

In 1974 my wife and I decided to get married after two years of courtship. We contacted a local preacher to marry us but he didn't show up; he forgot. We ate the food, drank the punch and set another wedding date two weeks later, using the same preacher. He didn't show up for that one either. With a week left on the license we found another preacher, and set another date. He didn't show up either.

Finally, we found a preacher, he hurriedly signed the license before the expiration date, we filed it in the Caldwell Parish Courthouse and we went back to work. Done deal. No vows, no ceremony, no punch; but it was legal.

Since that time I have tried to be a good husband.

I think the last 24 years have been closer to the ideal than the first twelve. During the first 12 years of our marriage my ministry and business persuits were all consuming. My wife and family were secondary and it caused us considerable problems as I plunged all of our meager resources into what I called ministry but were really candies for my ego.

In the 12th year I came home to find my wife crying. She was pouring out her soul and her face was covered with tears. She had followed me in every pursuit: business, pastorate, politics and community service but did not enjoy the fact that she and my three sons were always second place to whatever new venture I conjured up. It would have been better if I had a mistress, someone to physically compete with, but how do you compete with an ego based dream that was so big that it took in the whole world but had little room for those close to it? It fact, it was all consuming.

She said, "You are saving the world but losing your own family."

That was staggering. I was faithful, I paid the bills, and kept food on the table. I thought that was all that was required. I thought I could give lectures to others about how to make a marriage work; but the sight of my wife crying said I needed to take the class, not teach it.

I got the message.

That same year I resigned as: President of the NAACP, President of the Baptist Association, and as a member of seven boards and committees. I tried to resign as pastor of the church but the church wouldn't accept my resignation. They told me to take off when I needed and whenever we did take off, they provided for her to go as well.

Since that day I operate with a different set of priorities: God, family, the world. Yes, I'm still trying to save the world I guess, but I'm trying to save my wife and family FIRST, then the world.

She doesn't cry anymore. We laugh a lot. We fight poverty together. We spend an inordinate amount of time and money helping youth. We plunge into civic projects together. Then sometimes, regardless to what anybody thinks, we take off and just disappear to who knows where; sometimes without notice.

She likes that.

God gave me a good thing. Through her, he has blessed me for 36 years of marriage and two years of courtship.

The bibles says, Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD. Proverbs 18:22

About that wedding ceremony we never had; we plan to have one on our 50th anniversary! I'll get my son to perform the ceremony; I know he'll show up.