She's having his baby, but he won't be her husband

She's having a baby for him but he won't marry her.

There is a very nice young lady who is living with a man without benefit of marriage. After a few years of shacking, she's now having a baby for him. She wants to marry but he thinks marriage is not necessary for him to be a good father, provider and significant other in her life. She's frustrated that he won't make their arrangement official. She feels that he does not want to make a commitment and is leaving the door open for his exit if times get bad.

Neither of them claim any great faith in God, especially one that would require obedience to His word or public worship. Her faith is greater than his but is not openly practiced because he is so critical of spiritual things, the church and Christians.

She's hopeless unevenly yoked, and now a child is about to be reared in this spiritually challenging situation. She wants a husband but all he wants to be is a Significant Other.

What's the difference between being a Significant Other (SO) and a husband?

• Husbands promise they will protect the woman in their lives, the SO makes no promise at all.
  
• Husbands promise to stand with their wives through sickness and hard times, the SO makes no such claim. If she gets sick or even gains weight he may split.
  
• Husbands promise to love their wives and have no other women on the side, the SO won't even fix his mouth to say that.
  
• Husbands promise to provide for their wives safety, livelihood, and nurture, the SO may do some of that but thinks she can take care of herself.
  
• Husbands promise to love their wives like Christ loved the church, the SO is not willing to go that far; he wants to make whoopee and call it love, but that's about it.

Knowing that the man she loves only sees her as a convenient sperm receptacle, this very intelligent young lady, overwhelmed by passion, chose to have a child for her SO.

The bible makes no provision for the SO. It makes no provision for believers to live as though they are married (shacking) without committing to each other before God.

In fact, the Word teaches that if a couple feels they must "get it on" then they should marry or risk hell's fire. 1 Corinthians 7:9 says, "But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn."

The overriding reason that a man should marry the woman he claims to love is that he honors their relationship before God, cleanses the relationship and does himself a favor at the same time.

Look at what the word says:

Ephesians 5:25-28 Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church—a love marked by giving, not getting. Christ's love makes the church whole. His words evoke her beauty. Everything he does and says is designed to bring the best out of her, dressing her in dazzling white silk, radiant with holiness. And that is how husbands ought to love their wives. They're really doing themselves a favor—since they're already "one" in marriage.

Wouldn't it be great if a woman had a husband rather than just a Significant Other Brother?

I gave her $100 and expected change back!

A hundred dollar bill doesn't go very far

I haven't shopped in a grocery store in quite some time. Usually, I get one item or two and then I'm out. My wife laughs at my ignorance of what it really costs to live today. Yesterday, I went with her to the grocery store to get a few items. I produced a $100 bill, gave it to her and walked around the store with her. She was amused and I wondered what was so funny.

At the checkout we had: watermelon, Ice cream, lettuce, chips, cheese and a few other items. I watched her give the cashier the $100 bill and expected to get change back. The handful of items cost $100.45. I had culture shock. She rolled with laughter.

A $100 gets lost in a grocery store. She reminded me that we didn't buy washing powder, any meats, or other expensive staples, just a few knick nacks.

And I was expecting change!

We've been married for 36 years and she has been juggling, stretching and making ends meet with the chump change I've been providing for groceries. Her stock value increased tremendously with one trip to the grocery store.

She's been a good wife to make it all happen for a husband and three sons. Most of the time she had a husband who provided too little to cover it all, then expected change back.

She never complained, she saved coupons, watch prices and compared labels to make it happen for her family. We ate well and had what we needed. I didn't know how she pulled it off, but while I provided more than $100 for the regular groceries, I now see that what I did provide would not have covered it all had she not been an excellent manager and family planner.

Proverbs 31:27-28 says, "She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness. Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her."

She stretched a $100 and made it do miracles.

Silly me, I expected change back from the miracles.

The preacher was a wedding no-show, three times

The preacher didn't show up for my wedding; three times!

Yesterday, my wife and I celebrated our 36th wedding anniversary. It has been 36 years that began with the three failed marriage attempts, and 12 years of messups on my part.

In 1974 my wife and I decided to get married after two years of courtship. We contacted a local preacher to marry us but he didn't show up; he forgot. We ate the food, drank the punch and set another wedding date two weeks later, using the same preacher. He didn't show up for that one either. With a week left on the license we found another preacher, and set another date. He didn't show up either.

Finally, we found a preacher, he hurriedly signed the license before the expiration date, we filed it in the Caldwell Parish Courthouse and we went back to work. Done deal. No vows, no ceremony, no punch; but it was legal.

Since that time I have tried to be a good husband.

I think the last 24 years have been closer to the ideal than the first twelve. During the first 12 years of our marriage my ministry and business persuits were all consuming. My wife and family were secondary and it caused us considerable problems as I plunged all of our meager resources into what I called ministry but were really candies for my ego.

In the 12th year I came home to find my wife crying. She was pouring out her soul and her face was covered with tears. She had followed me in every pursuit: business, pastorate, politics and community service but did not enjoy the fact that she and my three sons were always second place to whatever new venture I conjured up. It would have been better if I had a mistress, someone to physically compete with, but how do you compete with an ego based dream that was so big that it took in the whole world but had little room for those close to it? It fact, it was all consuming.

She said, "You are saving the world but losing your own family."

That was staggering. I was faithful, I paid the bills, and kept food on the table. I thought that was all that was required. I thought I could give lectures to others about how to make a marriage work; but the sight of my wife crying said I needed to take the class, not teach it.

I got the message.

That same year I resigned as: President of the NAACP, President of the Baptist Association, and as a member of seven boards and committees. I tried to resign as pastor of the church but the church wouldn't accept my resignation. They told me to take off when I needed and whenever we did take off, they provided for her to go as well.

Since that day I operate with a different set of priorities: God, family, the world. Yes, I'm still trying to save the world I guess, but I'm trying to save my wife and family FIRST, then the world.

She doesn't cry anymore. We laugh a lot. We fight poverty together. We spend an inordinate amount of time and money helping youth. We plunge into civic projects together. Then sometimes, regardless to what anybody thinks, we take off and just disappear to who knows where; sometimes without notice.

She likes that.

God gave me a good thing. Through her, he has blessed me for 36 years of marriage and two years of courtship.

The bibles says, Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD. Proverbs 18:22

About that wedding ceremony we never had; we plan to have one on our 50th anniversary! I'll get my son to perform the ceremony; I know he'll show up.

We still need mom and pop.

Vermont has become the 4th State to legalize same-sex marriage. Vermont's actions follows that of Iowa by only a few days. It seems to be a growing trend.

Without being overly judgmental, I fail to see the ultimate point of the clamor for the title "marriage" as opposed to civil union.

A civil union is an arrangement between two parties that is recognized in a court of law. It allows for parties to designate whom they wish to care for them, receive benefits of their benevolence and any other rights they want to extend to each other under the civil law.

In America, persons have the right to associate themselves with whomever they choose and to enter into contractual arrangements at their pleasure, even if that arrangement angers their neighbors or the their neighbor's God.

Marriage on the other hand goes beyond a mere civil union. It's purpose is procreation; which is impossible in same-sex civil unions. A marriage produces a child that has a mother and a father. A civil union, at best, can adopt a child that will either have two mothers or two fathers.

I can accept civil unions for those who choose that route; I draw the line, however, when it comes to moving one step further and calling such unions marriages.

I just keep hearing the words of Genesis 1:28 "And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth."

God ordained marriages as the means of replenishing the earth. Civil unions are ordained by man, for his own satisfaction, but without a godly sanction or procreative purpose.

It appears that God has charged his creation to be fruitful and multiply, among humans marriage is the instrument.

It may acceptable to have civilized unions, but I think we still need mom and pop.